The Instructor
The instructor turns on a video. We watch a guy fall out of a mail truck. The guy yells “Fuck!” really loud. People in the room laugh. We watch the mail truck slowly circle the parking lot on its own while the guy limps after it shouting “Fuck!” People in the room laugh. The instructor pauses the video. The instructor stands up. The instructor frowns. The instructor says “This isn’t funny. None of this is funny. Watch this.” The instructor resumes the video. The instructor leans back in his chair and swivels around to face us. We watch the mail truck run over the guy. We hear a loud snap. The guy yells “Fuck!” but in a louder, higher-pitched voice. Someone in the room gasps. The instructor pauses the video. The instructor says “That was the sound of his leg breaking.” Someone says “Aw, shit.” The instructor says “Yeah. Yeah. Broken in twenty-three places. He’ll never walk again.” The instructor resumes the video. We watch the guy trying to crawl out from under the truck. We hear the guy screaming and crying. The instructor says “Now watch. Watch this.” We watch the guy limply banging his hands against the side of the mail truck while crying loudly. The instructor pauses the video. The instructor says “That’s one and a half tons of truck sitting on this gentleman’s leg. Just crushing the bones to dust. He’s not gettin’ out from under that.” Someone in the room says “Jesus Christ.” The instructor says he’ll skip the next five minutes because it’s just the man screaming and crying until he passes out from the pain. The instructor fast-forwards through the video. We watch the guy thrash around in fast-forward until he slumps over and stops moving. Someone leaves the room. The instructor resumes the video at normal speed. The instructor says “Okay, now watch this. This is why you always wear your seatbelt. Always.” We watch a guy crash a mail truck into a loading dock while driving at a moderate speed. We watch the guy hit his head on the windshield. We hear a loud crunch. The instructor crosses his legs and props them on the desk. The instructor says “Boom. Dead on impact.” We watch another guy walk up to the mail truck. We hear the guy mutter “Oh my God, oh my God” and start crying. Someone in the room asks if the trucks have airbags. The instructor says the trucks do not have airbags. The instructor says the next video is about a truck hitting a baby. Someone in the room groans. We watch a baby crawling on a residential street. The instructor says “See that? That’s a baby.” Someone in the room says “Oh, fuck me.” The instructor says “Is someone eating chips in here?” The instructor starts walking around the room. We watch a mail carrier distractedly fingering a tray of letters while driving a mail truck at a moderate speed toward the baby. The instructor walks over to my seat. Someone says “C’mon, maaaaan, nooooo.” The instructor whispers “Can I have some chips?” I nod. The instructor takes a handful of chips. The instructor whispers “Thanks.”
